When I read Laura’s brilliant post, I couldn’t stop laughing at her husband’s responses and I was curious about how much beauty knowledge Jass has gained from my long-standing love of makeup. I mean, we have been together for over a decade.
I took the opportunity to quiz him while we were stuck in traffic, a long way from home; I listed out a number of beauty products and asked him to describe their purpose and uses. I honestly wasn’t expecting his analogies and his responses certainly didn’t disappoint!
It’s like Dulux. Their primer goes on first before you paint whatever colour you want on top. So you put the primer on your face first and then slap all your other colours on top.
It’s like the foundation of a house, you do it first before you put anything else on.
What does foundation do to your face?
I don’t know, maybe it neutralises your makeup and sorts your face out? It’s meant to match your skin but most people get it wrong and end up looking grey.
It conceals everything; like your lines, wrinkles, spots and basically any evidence.
Confused face. Evidence?
Yeah. Anything you want to hide.
To give you a dry look. It takes away the oil.
To colour in your eyebrows.
What the hell is a brow promenade? I don’t have a clue. Are you sure you’re pronouncing it properly? Is it a pomegranate?
To make you look like you’re blushing.
To make your face bronze?
Is that it?
Well to give you a golden tanned effect. If you look pale and pasty, it gives your skin some colour, a bit of life.
Oh that’s easy! Everyone talks about contour. It for shaping your nose and cheeks to look slimmer. You want to make it all look pointy.
Also, slightly confused about who he talks to about contouring.
To give you highlights where you want things to look brighter. You highlight your eyes, right? No, you highlight your cheeks. I don’t know, you always say it’s for the highest areas or something. And it’s always gold.
Ok, now I’m really impressed.
Oh this is easy! (Confidently.) All the Naked palettes you love are eyeshadows. It gives you some shadows under your eyes
..and it was going so well.
Under your eyes?
Well you know, you do it without giving yourself bags under your eyes.
To make your eyelashes longer.
To line off your eyes. What’s it called? You know, the little lines or ticks you do on the end.
It gives your lips a glossy, wet look. But I know you hate it.
YAASSS! So he does listen.
Obviously I know what lipstick is. Let’s talk about how many you have? And why are they all MAC?
Let’s just move on.
BB cream? What? What the hell is that? I’ve heard of a BB gun, is that close?
I look confused.
You know how a BB gun is like a pellet gun? So do you dab this on in dots around your face?
A moisturiser that has tint in it.
What sort of tint?
Like a sun tint or a sun tan lotion. Yeah that sounds good actually.. It gives you some protection.
What’s the point of a mascara that’s clear? Why would you want that? I think it straightens your eye lashes.
Sets your makeup to stop it smudging. A bit like glue to stick everything to your face.
Yes, sort of..
Ok, I hold my hands up! I’ll admit that I took this to a whole new level with ‘contour, highlight, clear mascara, tinted moisturiser’ etc., but the traffic was so bad and this was a fun way to pass the time!
One thing I definitely learned (and am a little surprised by) from this little experiment is that Jass does listen to me. Sometimes.
I encourage you to try this with your husband/boyfriend/male figure in your life; list out a series of products and sit back and listen to what they think their purpose is.
Try it with a straight face, I dare you!